As Clear as Crystal.
The truth is plain in her crystal blue eyes
There is nothing left for me to question
To paint with lovely elaborate lies
while she wields conviction as a weapon
If I cried and screamed and yelled the whole day
It would never be enough to shake her
I’d just be left to soak in my dismay
As her made up mind grows ever stronger
I once thought it was just her opinion
I once thought I was entitled my own
But that is not the world that I live in
Just a fantasy I have always known
Because you can’t find lies in eyes so blue
Meaning all her beliefs default as true
This is so beautiful and I love your word choice. I love the double use of crystal in the title with the expression "crystal clear," as well as the eyes being described as crystal blue. What a lovely-sounding word, crystal...
ReplyDeleteIn terms of meter, however, while all the lines technically have ten syllables (the only reason I think you were trying for iambic pentameter), I think the only line that actually achieves the iambic pentameter is "I’d just be left to soak in my dismay." It's tricky, especially when you're using lots of multi-syllabic words. Generally I try to read my lines naturally and see if they land in the meter without extra effort on my part, but that might not work for everyone...
I love the way the word crystal sounds in this poem! I also like the line "as her made up mind grows ever stronger." I dont think the last line is as powerful as it could be. The use of the word "meaning" is a little awkward.
ReplyDeleteI really liked your descriptions, they are very beautiful. Even though the narrator seems to have negative feelings toward 'her,' it is clear that the person's eyes are very beautiful. I also felt that it speaks very true to the feeling that some people cannot be reasoned with.
ReplyDeleteWow, this was so beautiful. you did such a good job with the rhymes and I love how all the words and story fit together naturally. like, you didn't have to make a stretch and mess up the story just in order to get the rhyme. You're language was also stunning and so soft and I loved how easily it flowed while reading.
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