Have you ever died in a nightmare?

It was obvious something was wrong, 

just not what. 

Then the lights went out. 

I knew there was an intruder,

I knew she had mal-intent, 

I knew Joelle was safely hidden,

and I knew I had to hide with Marcela quick. 

We crouched against the couch.

Our backs protected 

but our faces relying on the darkness.

I am unsure if we stayed like that for hours or seconds, 

taking turns peaking over the couch.

There was no one, 

until there was someone. 

A woman materialized 

with black hair and neon yellow bangs

fully dressed in black and a killer's smile. 

She gripped a dripping syringe in her right hand,

looming closer hauntingly slow.

So I pounced.

The vase which appeared in my hand

quickly found a home in her skull,

as her syringe found its own home buried deep in my arm. 

Then the lights returned, 

and with them a moment of clarity. 

I was going to die. 

unless we got to the hospital in time. 

I blinked and I was in the car, 

I blinked and I was dying in the back seat,

I blinked and I was forgotten, 

I blinked and I was dead in the backseat, 

A fate only disproven by the texture of my floral bedsheets.  

Comments

  1. Wow! this is really cool. I feel like I can picture the plot of this crazy and scary dream story. my favorite part is the detail towards the end: "But my sisters got into a fight on the way/and Marcela never could scream and drive." I love the juxtaposition of this realistic scene of sisters arguing in the center of an insane/haunted/ not realistic dream. I wonder if the poem would be more powerful without the last two lines, because it would force the reader to stay inside the dream world instead of "snapping" us into reality... All in all, great work!

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  2. Super interesting concept. I'm not completely sold on this being a poem, because with the exception of some assonance (which I actually quite like and think you did well), it's relatively straightforward and with not such poetic language, like we've been talking about in class. However, I do think the line breaks serve the jarring, dreamlike nature of the poem well. Cool!

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  3. After being in multiple writing classes with you, I love how you regularly incorporate your family and specifically your sisters into your pieces. I think it's really special and at least for me, brings it to life even more. I also really liked the pacing of the poem and you did a very good job with the tone and keeping it mysterious and ominous. My only other thought is that I think it sounds like more like a very short story than a poem. I think the structure of it and the devices used make it poetic but the content itself sounds more like a story is simply being told. That being said, it's a great story and I really love the ending. last two lines are great.

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  4. I enjoyed discussing this poem in workshop. Let me know if you did not receive my written comments.

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  5. Hi Thank you for all the comments I went through everything and made some changes!

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